The Nuance of Cheese

Another week has drawn to a close...and I couldn't be happier. The artist statement still eludes me, although I am getting closer to the true nature of my art. It's mostly about death, decay, and loss...which are the only guarantees in life. It fascinates me...for some reason. Anyway, I'm relaxing today...my brain is exhausted. I really don't feel like ranting...but someone in my class made the most idiotic statement I've ever heard, and I am disheartened by my peers at this point.
"Why would you make art if you don't make it for other people?"

To me, that's like saying, "Why do you live if you don't live for other people?"
It was as if I was thrown back into high school...everyone around me suddenly caring and living only based on other people's thoughts. I'm sorry, but if you are completely governed and run your life by what other people think, you are not a real person. You are cheese. You are merely a drone without a personality or any integrity or convictions of your own.

Sigh...people make me tired.

Pay Your Respects to the Vultures

Ah yes....a new week.

I should be ready to tackle it with brute force, however, I can't seem to get out of bed. I have come down with a nasty virus, causing horrible throat pain and a voice strikingly similar to Dr. Girlfriend from the Venture Brothers. I feel like hell, and I'm frustrated because the virus makes getting any work done at all nearly impossible. I'm trying to kill the symptoms by taking near-lethal doses of various types of cold medicine, and hoping this shroud of insanity and awfulness fades away soon because I have A LOT of work to do.

However, my photo work is coming along quite nicely. It's pretty much all I want to do, ever. Josh and I spent about 8 hours in the darkroom on Friday and Saturday, and I now feel refreshed and craving more time under the safe lights. I'm also quite happy with my digital work of late. The fisheye lens is proving to be a useful tool in my quest to reshape the universe and deconstruct humanity. I recently picked up a zoom telephoto lens, but haven't had an opportunity to play with it yet.

There is not enough time in a day. I will be old before I know it.

-Pay your respects to the vultures...for they are your future.-

Slice of Plum (College Life)

School is now in session....and it is proving to be a challenging semester already. Every year at this time, I contemplate dropping out. And then I press on, hopeful that it will all be worth it someday. After a stressful 3 hours on my FIRST FLASH ASSIGNMENT, I have given up for evening. Josh is looking at me with tired eyes flashing through shadows of smudged eyeliner, and I can tell he has had enough too. He's knocked out with a cold...and tired...and stressed.

It's not the actual Flash that gets me...it's the Actionscript. It's totally Greek to me. I can't figure it out. Sigh...maybe I will use the rest of my night to focus on my art...or pass out from the sugar coma that is sure to be on its way...after drowning my frustrations in half of a stale donut and a plum. Ah, such is the life of a college student.

Storm in a Teacup (Beauty)

As the summer draws to a close and thoughts of the new semester start their rampage in my mind, bringing about many sleepless nights filled with exciting new plans and ideas...I think I'm ready for fall to begin. Idle time (summer) seems to drive me insane these days. I've got big plans for this year, and I'm more than ready to execute.

I'm patiently waiting for my Holga camera to show up on my doorstep today. It's a cheap little plastic medium format camera...that is just what I need.

I'm planning on applying for graduate school in Minneapolis for an MFA in Photography (so much for Japan). And I have a LOT of work to do with my portfolio to get it up to standards. I think that most difficult part for me is figuring out why I do what I do. I don't think I should have to justify my art...or why I like to take pictures of rotting pig's heads and burn my film. However, I'm going to have to figure it out if I ever want to get into grad school. Honestly, it has been consuming the "back burner" of my thoughts lately.

I like to twist reality. Is that enough? I mean, does there have to be symbolism in everything? I think that the human condition is compelled to attach meaning to everything (um...religion, anyone?), but the bottom line is...none of us know why we're here, or how we got here, or that the delicate web we call life could end at any second. So...we attach meaning to things to give us comfort and something to live for. But, we...just....don't...know...for sure. So, I like to take the reality around me, pull it into my world, and spit it back out so other people can see how I view reality. Isn't that good enough? Isn't that what art is all about?

If not, it should be. I keep getting asked what I "plan to do" with my degree, as if I MUST have some specific career goals, but I just do what makes me happy. That's all. If I had career goals, I would have gone to school for pharmacology. I like beautiful things, and beauty is relative,or in the eye of the beholder, or whatever...so why not make a life out of it? Sigh...I feel like I'm bashing my head against the same old wall that has been there since I developed a consciousness and realized that I'm different. Maybe I'm just being narcissistic. I'm ok with that.